Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Purity Ring Applications

Apparently there's a new purity ring application for the iPhone. I don't know exactly how it works, but it will fail to accomplish the most obvious purpose of the purity ring. That is, being used as a cock ring. The most likely wearer is probably the person responsible for reducing its former owner's interest in purity.

This only works if its former owner has very large fingers, or if its current owner has very slender genitalia, so I can see why this hasn't occurred to more people. But in general I'm quite disappointed with the reception that the purity ring has received. Why isn't there any purity ring fetish jewelry? Or purity ring porn? Sure, I'd be a little suspicious of a fellow who was wearing a bunch of purity rings on a necklace, as sexism makes room for men to boast of their past sexual experiences in a way that's unkind to their partners. But if I saw a young lady with a big jingly purity ring necklace -- and given that it's usually women who have purity rings on their fingers, I'm imagining her with short hair and not too much makeup -- it'd be a good ten minutes before I stopped smiling.

All in all, purity rings are set up to be wonderful fetish objects. The failure of everyone else on the internet to appreciate this betrays a striking poverty of sexual imagination.

5 comments:

Nicholas Beaudrot said...

It works by interacting with the "Date Radar" app to make sure it only shows you other people who also have the Purity Ring application installed.

corvus said...

I didn't know it was possible to troll the rest of the internet from the security of your very own blog. Well played, professor.

Neil Sinhababu said...

Yeah, I kind of did that, didn't I? Damn.

jack lecou said...

I think one problem is that purity rings aren't just associated with girls, they're specifically associated with very young, teenage girls.

Since most of us aren't 15, it seems like that would make fetishizing just the rings pretty hard to do without going somewhere creepy.

Anonymous said...

Since when have pornographers concerned with being creepy. There must be purity ring porn somewhere Rule 34 has no eceptions